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Ya Know Who Needs to be in the New Smash Bros. More Than ANYONE ELSE?!?!

harvest-moon-another-wonderful-life-20050524010634610

You heard it here first! I submit for your approval, Harvest Moon girl!

I’ve been playing a ridiculously large amount of Harvest Moon: A New Beginning lately, which is simultaneously A) The first Harvest Moon I have enjoyed and B) The first Harvest Moon I’ve been able to play for more than a handful of minutes, due primarily to it being one of the only Harvest games that breaks it down for those of us who haven’t been playing from the get go.

In my time with Harvest Moon, I’ve seen my little farmer catch bees with his (not a typo) bare hands, plow, plant and harvest fields the size of several of my backyard in a handful of hours, wield a scythe with deadly efficiency, and strut with an aura of power and presence so intense that freaking bears and tigers literally cry and run away from him!

"My bad, I'll leave!"

“My bad, I’ll leave!”

Dude can hunt and fish and farm for days, is a pretty swell guy that most people like, can go from a scythe to a hammer to an ax no problem, can fell trees bigger than his freaking house with a single swing, we’re talking a farmer that could probably take down Superman without much in the way of effort.

So, why am I going with Harvest Moon Girl instead of boy? One simple reason:

Pregnancy.

I can’t vouch for the other Harvest Moon titles, but in New Beginning your spouse won’t help you with the farm. He or she is all “Naw girl/dude, I got stuff to do!” so it’s up to you to plow, plant, water, pick, chop, etc., all on your little lonesome. And, I mean, it’s kind of lame that you can’t divide the work between you, but, a lot of them have their own businesses to run so I can sorta see their complete and total lack of support of the one industry in the entire town that produces food. However, your husband, who really should be helping you on the farm anyways instead of sitting up in your house watching your non-existent TV on his off days, not only refuses to step up during the regular farming hours; he also just sits on his duff while you’re preggers!

So, while you’re pregnant its up to Harvest Moon Girl to work the field, take care of the cows, chickens, sheep, assorted other animals, chase the bears and tigers, fish, hunt, chop down trees, build housing, make traps, set traps, gather from traps, and so on and so forth.

"That's my girl! Mama's proud of her little farmer!"

“That’s my girl! Mama’s proud of her little farmer!”

To put her strength into even greater detail, when Harvest Moon girl finds out she’s pregnant, she takes the day off to rest…and then works the rest of the entire pregnancy, then takes a day off to have the baby, and then goes right back to working the farm all day! Which, by the way, who the crap is staying with that kid while your lazy husband is running a convenience store and you’re wrestling bears and punching tigers?

So, for these reasons I posit that Harvest Moon Girl is the most powerful woman, nay, person, in the gaming industry, and totally deserves a slot in the new Super Smash Bros.! What about her moveset? SHE WRESTLES BEARS AND CUTS DOWN EVERGREENS WITH A SINGLE SWING OF HER AX, USE YOUR IMAGINATION!!!

Xeawn, out.

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